I had a real sense this week of life moving towards a recognisable normality that has for some time felt absent from my world. Since coming back to live Beijing I have experienced a feeling of unreality and accepting that my current situation is actually my life, is a reality that is too intangible to grasp. I know that the absence of routine has contributed to this feeling along with a lack of purpose and I was discovering that attending play club and the acting workshops at Cozmikk as well as teaching English online were starting to dispel the sense that I am permanently on holiday. Typically these activities are accompanied by a level of anxiety that is normally saved for traveling .I have to learn a script, I have to perform in front of a camera, I will be judged. The challenge to myself though feels worth it.

I am still giving myself purpose by blogging and vlogging and continuing to discover more of Beijing, including its developing cultural Parks and its cafe’s tea houses and relics. One such park was in the north close to line 19 station, Beitaipingzhuang.  It’s a convenient journey as one of the lines stations, Niu Jie a short walk from our apartment. Its was the first time I had alighted at Beitaipingzhuang station and I discovered that the murals there, like so many, were really beautiful. We went there, on Monday, in search of the Ziyuan Xinfengli park (Purple Neighbourhood). It was interesting to see the transformed factory site though it carried none of the spectacular dystopian splendour that many of the parks have. We explored the Fudi Market there, photographed the sculptures and enjoyed a green tea ice cream. We finished the trip with a visit to Shuangxiu park which had been developed along with the Japanese as part of a cultural exchange in 1984. Sipping tea and working underneath a magnolia tree seemed to be in the spirit of Chinese and Japanese tradition.

WhenTuesday, the day for the workshop had arrived, I found myself struggling to get to grips with the tenor of the scene in which I was playing an FBI agent at a hostage event. I worked and worked on the lines but it was difficult for them to sink in. I decided to take myself out, find a tea shop and sit in the relative peace to focus on the lines and character breakdown. I stopped for a short clothes shopping trip at Hopson One Mall where I hoped to have tea and work. It was so noisy there I could not focus and I found a new venue for tea that I could walk to and was closer to the studio. I got a little lost on my way, going in completely the opposite direction and after the discovering this strange detour, detour I had to cycle. I eventually arrived at ‘Double Uncle cafe’ which was located in a cultural park with security on the gate whom I barked, “KaFai” at when he questioned my entering the gates . The tea was expensive at 88 yuan but it was exquisitely served and I was able to sit for hours and refill. I cycled to the studios feeling very nervous about the evening ahead. Contrary to my expectations it was \really enjoyable and despite not giving the performance the script needed it was an immensely useful exercise and the experience ensured that I will continue to attend the Tuesday evening classes.

It was good to have a day where I wasn’t running through lines in my head and to relax we went for lunch with Peng’s parents in Fengtai on Wednesday where they had prepared a wonderful vegetarian meal for me.  We then walked to Jijiamiaocun where there was a Phonograph Museum which was also a cafe. There were some really beautiful examples of early recorded music players. On the way back the blossom in the Changchun Temple museum was beautiful and we walked into the grounds to take some photos. as I was taking a photo of the magnolia a Chinese gentleman with an expensive camera commandeered me and gave me a lesson in what blooms on a Magnolia tree to photo. Apparantly, rather than photoing a branch or a cluster I needed to find a single bloom or two together. It was an entertaining and impromptu class and several bystanders joined him in showing me where these sights were. Peng discreetly wandered away from the public fuss I had initiated with my presence.

I have been keeping myself occupied with writing a blog and vlogging and uploading all my videos of China since 2020 onto YouTube but I was getting behind on updating everything, including my weekly Word Press blog and this delay was now beginning to cause me some anxiety too. I spent the morning trying to update and I felt the pressure of my own failure weighing heavily on me. I had sourced some shorts in Uniqlo and with this excuse in mind I decided to go out to Joy City in Xidan to shop and escape my shortcomings. The process of buying was not a smooth as it should be as once I’d selected the items I messaged Peng with the clothes to order as we agreed I would buy them online as it is usualy cheaper. It seemed I could get a discount but I had to buy an extra item. I left the items at changing room, found a shirt I quite liked, sent the picture to Peng and left. Fortunately, while I was still in the mall I received a message to say they didn’t have the additional shirt in the size I wanted. I then had to go back to the shop to buy everything, sans shirt, over the counter. They didn’t have them in my size on the racks and I had to go back to the changing room and get the shorts and trousers I had tried on. What a fuss!. On my way home I stopped at the Star Theatre to checkout their Bookshop and Cafe.

We had an incredibley full day on Friday which was structured around visiting Taoranting park to see all the colourful blossom which were now beginning to dominate the views. It started for me with a haircut at our usual salon in Xuanwumen. We then cycled along a route I had not taken before to Taoranting where my favourite Xiang Guo restaurant is located. Though not a regular, I have been there enough times over the past 5 years for the proprietor to recognise me and I was welcomed with a big happy smile. .As always the lunch was delicious we didn’t eat everything and put what we left in a doggy bag for the next day. It was a very short walk to the park which looked absolutely gorgeous with its pink, purple, yellow and white blossom. After our walk through the park to the South Gate we cycled, via a pharmacy to collect a batch of special health tea, to a have tea and coffee in Ten Thousand cafe in Fayuan temple area where I was able to sit and do some work on the blog. It felt like a most satisfying day

All week we had been preparing for Saturday and for Peng to continue his training plan with an 18k run along the south moat.  I followed behind, walking from Guang’men to the Grand View Gardens, otherwise known as the Museum of ‘Dream of t he Red Chamber’.  This is a famous classical Chinese novel in five volumes by Cao Xueqin , written in 18th Century China. The books were televised in the 1980’s and the set was so authentic that once shooting had finished it was turned into a public park.  I had read the first volume, and my familiarity with the characters, it psychological and physical scope and its observations of the worldview, aesthetics, lifestyle and social mores of the Qing Dynasty life. This insight allowed me to imagine I was in a completely historical setting and without a doubt, wandering through the gardens and buildings, catching glimpses of people in costume it felt extremely true to the novel. The blue skies, the glorious blossom and some musicians added to the atmosphere. I finished my tour waiting for Peng in a cafe before cycling home and doing some grocery shopping.

The week demonstrated for me that there was now some organised approach to living that included exercise, work, study and socialising that meant I was home. It was my new normal and not transitory or intangible as my lifestyle in Beijing had hitherto generated.

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